Notebook for How to win friends and influence people Dale Carnegie Citation (APA): Carnegie, D. (2018). How to win friends and influence people [Kindle Android version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com How This Book Was Written—And Why Highlight (yellow) - Location 105 even in such technical lines as engineering, about fifteen per cent of one’s financial success is due to one’s technical knowledge and about eighty- five per cent is due to skill in human engineering— to personality and the ability to lead people. Highlight (yellow) - Location 110 One can, for example, hire mere technical ability in engineering, accountancy, architecture or any other profession at nominal salaries. But the person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people— that person is headed for higher earning power. Note - Location 113 Have gotten these signals from real-life people I've met too, who work in quality environments like Silicon Valley. Highlight (yellow) - Location 121 That survey revealed that health is the prime interest of adults— and that their second interest is people; how to understand and get along with people; how to make people like you; and how to win others to your way of thinking. Note - Location 123 A reminder that health comes for everything. It's easy to forget. It provides passive bonuses that only become more apparent with time. Highlight (yellow) - Location 140 I gave the talk and urged the listeners to go out and test it in their business and social contacts, and then come back to class and speak about their experiences and the results they had achieved. Note - Location 141 The great Dale Carnegie knew that it's practice that really matters! Highlight (yellow) - Location 143 This book wasn’t written in the usual sense of the word. It grew as a child grows. It grew and developed out of that laboratory, out of the experiences of thousands of adults. Highlight (yellow) - Location 181 For “the great aim of education,” said Herbert Spencer, “is not knowledge but action.” And this is an action book. Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book Highlight (yellow) - Location 183 Nine Suggestions on How to Get the Most Out of This Book Note - Location 185 I still use these concepts, even when reading other books. Thanks Dale! :) Highlight (yellow) - Location 185 Desire to Learn Highlight (yellow) - Location 188 What is this magic requirement? Just this: a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people. Note - Location 190 Empty your cup when re-reading. Highlight (yellow) - Location 193 Read Again and Again Note - Location 193 Taleb says that reading sufficiently knowledge-rich material twice gives greater results than reading 2 different books. Highlight (yellow) - Location 196 Think Over What You Read Highlight (yellow) - Location 198 Highlight the Important Portions Note - Location 198 So meta. Highlight (yellow) - Location 201 Review the Book Frequently Highlight (yellow) - Location 209 Remember that the use of these principles can be made habitual only by a constant and vigorous campaign of review and application. There is no other way. Note - Location 211 Skills are like muscles. Highlight (yellow) - Location 211 Practise What You Read Highlight (yellow) - Location 211 Bernard Shaw once remarked: “If you teach a man anything, he will never learn.” Shaw was right. Learning is an active process. We learn by doing. So, if you desire to master the principles you are studying in this book, do something about them. Apply these rules at every opportunity. If you don’t, you will forget them quickly. Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind. Highlight (yellow) - Location 221 hesitate about doing the natural thing, the impulsive thing. This is usually wrong. Highlight (yellow) - Location 223 Make It a Fun Game Highlight (yellow) - Location 225 Regular Self- Analysis Highlight (yellow) - Location 231 After dinner I went off by myself, opened my engagement book, and thought over all the interviews, discussions and meetings that had taken place during the week. I asked myself: “‘ What mistakes did I make that time?’ “‘ What did I do that was right— and in what way could I have improved my performance’?’ “‘ What lessons can I learn from that experience?’ “I often found that this weekly review made me very unhappy. I was frequently astonished at my own blunders. Of course, as the years passed, these blunders became less frequent. Sometimes I was inclined to pat myself on the back a little after one of these sessions. This system of self- analysis, self- education, continued year after year, did more for me than any other one thing I have ever attempted. Note - Location 239 Meditation x Journaling. Not sure but maybe I should try it nightly too. Might help me sleep also. Highlight (yellow) - Location 244 Keep Notes PART ONE Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 249 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” Note - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 250 Wow so it was principle number 1! I'm guilty of violating this even if I have read this book many times. Gotta practice til it's muscle memory. Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 279 John Wanamaker, founder of the stores that bear his name, once confessed: “I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence.” Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 282 ninety- nine times out of a hundred, people don’t criticise themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be. Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 284 Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 285 B.F. Skinner, the world- famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticising, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment. Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 383 Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favour of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others— yes, and a lot less dangerous. “Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doorstep is unclean.” Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 395 When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 401 Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain— and most fools do. But it takes character and self- control to be understanding and forgiving. “A great man shows his greatness,” said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.” Highlight (yellow) - 1 “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” > Location 446 Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said, “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.” Why should you and I? PRINCIPLE 1 Don’t criticise, condemn or complain. Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 451 There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 486 If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 538 “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. “There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 544 “In my wide association in life, meeting with many and great people in various parts of the world,” Schwab declared, “I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 596 The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out, the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish, the other selfish. One is universally admired, the other universally condemned. Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 623 Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for. Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 624 “I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 626 Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn from him.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 628 Let’s cease thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Highlight (yellow) - 2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People > Location 631 Give honest and sincere appreciation. Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 658 First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 706 “If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 723 If you had as much sense as a half-witted hummingbird, you would realise that I am interested in how big I am—not how big you are. All this talk about your enormous success makes me feel small and unimportant.] Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 760 “In other words, that in which we are most interested is mentioned last and the whole effect is one of raising a spirit of antagonism rather than of cooperation.” Note - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 761 Open with honey. Can be applied anywhere. Specific ideas: feedback sessions, cover letters Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 807 The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage. He has little competition. Owen D. Young, a noted lawyer and one of America’s great business leaders, once said, “’People who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for them.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 811 If out of reading this book you get just one thing—an increased tendency to think always in terms of other people’s point of view, and see things from their angle—if you get that one thing out of this book, it may easily prove to be one of the building blocks of your career. Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 813 Looking at the other person’s point of view and arousing in him an eager want for something is not to be construed as manipulating that person so that he will do something that is only for your benefit and his detriment. Each party should gain from the negotiation. Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 872 When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves. They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it. Highlight (yellow) - 3 “He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him. He Who Cannot, Walks a Lonely Way.” > Location 876 IN A NUTSHELL Fundamental techniques of handling people Principle 1 Don’t criticise, condemn or complain. Principle 2 Give honest and sincere appreciation. Principle 3 Arouse in the other person an eager want. PART TWO Highlight (yellow) - 1 Do This and You’ll be Welcomed Anywhere > Location 896 You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Highlight (yellow) - 1 Do This and You’ll be Welcomed Anywhere > Location 910 It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1059 the expression that one wears on one’s face is more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1063 Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1090 The chairman of the board of directors of one of the largest rubber companies in the United States told me that, according to his observations, people rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it. This industrial leader doesn’t put much faith in the old adage that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock the door to our desires. “I have known people,” he said, “who succeeded because they had a riproaring good time conducting their business. Later, I saw those people change as the fun became work. The business had grown dull. They lost all joy in it, and they failed.” You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1124 two people may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both may have about an equal amount of money and prestige—and yet one may be miserable and the other happy. Why? Because of a different mental attitude. I have seen just as many happy faces among the poor peasants toiling with their primitive tools in the devastating heat of the tropics as I have seen in airconditioned offices in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1133 Working all by oneself in a closed-off room in an office not only is lonely, but it denies one the opportunity of making friends with other employees in the company. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1141 Whenever you go outdoors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put your soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to firmly fix in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual.… Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude—the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression > Location 1150 The ancient Chinese were a wise lot—wise in the ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and I ought to cut out and paste inside our hats. It goes like this, “A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble > Location 1273 “Good manners,” said Emerson, “are made up of petty sacrifices.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed For Trouble > Location 1284 Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Highlight (yellow) - 4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist > Location 1338 even the most violent critic, will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener—a listener who will be silent while the irate fault-finder dilates like a king cobra and spews the poison out of his system. Highlight (yellow) - 4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist > Location 1394 “Many persons call a doctor when all they want is an audience.” Highlight (yellow) - 4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist > Location 1400 Lincoln hadn’t wanted advice. He had wanted merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could unburden himself. That’s what we all want when we are in trouble. That is frequently what the irritated customers, the dissatisfied employee or the hurt friend wants. Highlight (yellow) - 4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist > Location 1407 If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don’t wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrupt in the middle of a sentence. Highlight (yellow) - 4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist > Location 1419 Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Highlight (yellow) - 5 How to Interest People > Location 1478 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1492 If we are so contemptibly selfish that we can’t radiate a little happiness and pass on a bit of honest appreciation without trying to get something out of the other person in return—if our souls are no bigger than sour crab apples, we shall meet with the failure we so richly deserve. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1506 “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1522 If, for example, the waitress brings us mashed potatoes when we have ordered French fries, let’s say, “I’m sorry to trouble you, but I prefer French fries.” She’ll probably reply, “No trouble at all” and will be glad to change the potatoes, because we have shown her respect. Note - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1524 Basic human politeness that is sometimes to easy to forget. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1524 Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you,”“Would you be so kind as to———?”“Won’t you please?”“Would you mind?”“Thank you”—little courtesies like these oil the cogs of the monotonous grind of everyday life—and, incidentally, they are the hallmark of good breeding. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1552 Remember what Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.” Note - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1553 Beautiful words and a great mental model I must never forget. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Make People Like You Instantly > Location 1644 Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely. PART THREE Highlight (yellow) - 1 You Can’t Win an Argument > Location 1680 A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still. Highlight (yellow) - 1 You Can’t Win an Argument > Location 1718 Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” Highlight (yellow) - 1 You Can’t Win an Argument > Location 1727 Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be that you at your worst, not your best. Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. Highlight (yellow) - 1 You Can’t Win an Argument > Location 1747 The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies… And How to Avoid It > Location 1754 You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words—and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgement, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to strike back. But it will never make them want to change their minds. You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or an Immanuel Kant, but you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies… And How to Avoid It > Location 1818 When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down our oesophagus. Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies… And How to Avoid It > Location 1824 If you want some excellent suggestions about dealing with people and managing yourself and improving your personality, read Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography— Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies… And How to Avoid It > Location 1861 “I am convinced now that nothing good is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies… And How to Avoid It > Location 1905 Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 If You’re Wrong, Admit It > Location 1953 There is a certain degree of satisfaction in having the courage to admit one’s errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness, but often helps solve the problem created by the error. Highlight (yellow) - 3 If You’re Wrong, Admit It > Location 1965 Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes—and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes. Highlight (yellow) - 3 If You’re Wrong, Admit It > Location 2011 “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.” Highlight (yellow) - 3 If You’re Wrong, Admit It > Location 2012 If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Highlight (yellow) - 4 A Drop of Honey > Location 2117 a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. Highlight (yellow) - 4 A Drop of Honey > Location 2130 Begin in a friendly way. Highlight (yellow) - 5 The Secret of Socrates > Location 2132 In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasising—and keep on emphasising—the things on which you agree. Keep emphasising, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose. Highlight (yellow) - 5 The Secret of Socrates > Location 2147 It often seems as if people get a sense of their own importance by antagonising others at the outset. Highlight (yellow) - 5 The Secret of Socrates > Location 2207 The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old wisdom of the Orient, “He who treads softly goes far.” Highlight (yellow) - 5 The Secret of Socrates > Location 2210 Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately. Highlight (yellow) - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2242 A large advertisement appeared on the financial page of a New York newspaper calling for a person with unusual ability and experience. Charles T. Cubellis answered the advertisement, sending his reply to a box number. A few days later, he was invited by letter to call for an interview. Before he called, he spent hours in Wall Street finding out everything possible about the person who had founded the business. Note - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2244 Super important I think, always stalk your interviewers/reviewers. Highlight (yellow) - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2265 Even our friends would much rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about ours. La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said, “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.” Why is that true? Because when our friends excel us, they feel important; but when we excel them, they—or at least some of them—will feel inferior and envious. Note - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2266 Should always remember this!! Maybe I should try sharing more in the public sphere instead. Note - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2268 Should always remember this. Maybe it's better to share in the public sphere. Highlight (yellow) - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2271 “I was good at my work and proud of it,” Henrietta told one of our classes. “But instead of my colleagues sharing my triumphs, they seemed to resent them. I wanted to be liked by these people. I really wanted them to be my friends. After listening to some of the suggestions made in this course, I started to talk less about myself and listen more to my associates. They also had things to boast about and were more excited about telling me about their accomplishments than about listening to my boasting. Now, when we have some time to chat, I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only mention my achievements when they ask.” Note - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2276 It's not being inauthentic, it's having tact and sometimes you have to pick between expressing yourself at the expense of others and not expressing yourself for the sake of others. I like how headspace put it, a quiet confidence. I'd much rather be like that. Highlight (yellow) - 6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints > Location 2276 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2282 Calling a sales meeting, he urged his people to tell him exactly what they expected from him. As they talked, he wrote their ideas on the blackboard. He then said, “I’ll give you all these qualities you expect from me. Now I want you to tell me what I have a right to expect from you.” The replies came quick and fast: loyalty, honesty, initiative, optimism, teamwork, eight hours a day of enthusiastic work. The meeting ended with a new courage, a new inspiration— Note - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2285 Maybe I can try this technique! Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2288 No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts. Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2304 Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well. Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2326 Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay “Self-Reliance” stated: “In every work of genius we recognise our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.” Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2335 Did House interrupt him and say, “That’s not your idea. That’s mine?” Oh, no. Not House. He was too adroit for that. He didn’t care about credit. He wanted results. So he let Wilson continue to feel that the idea was his. House did even more than that. He gave Wilson public credit for these ideas. Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2345 Lao-Tzu, a Chinese sage, said some things that readers of this book might use today, “The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putteth himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.” Highlight (yellow) - 7 How to Get Cooperation > Location 2349 Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. Highlight (yellow) - 8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You > Location 2351 Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. Highlight (yellow) - 8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You > Location 2353 There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason—and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place. Highlight (yellow) - 8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You > Location 2360 success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.” Highlight (yellow) - 8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You > Location 2411 “I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview,” said Dean Donham of the Harvard Business School, “than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person—from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives—was likely to answer.” Note - 8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You > Location 2413 Offload thinking to the preparation stage, then when in it, just perform! Highlight (yellow) - 8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You > Location 2419 Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view. Highlight (yellow) - 9 What Everybody Wants > Location 2430 “There, but for the grace of god, go I.” Highlight (yellow) - 9 What Everybody Wants > Location 2526 Dr. Arthur I. Gates said in his splendid book Educational Psychology, “Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury; or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or imaginary is, in some measure, practically a universal practice.” Highlight (yellow) - 9 What Everybody Wants > Location 2531 Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires. Highlight (yellow) - 10 An Appeal That Everybody Likes > Location 2598 “Experience has taught me,” says Mr. Thomas, “that when no information can be secured about the customer, the only sound basis on which to proceed is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest, truthful Highlight (yellow) - 10 An Appeal That Everybody Likes > Location 2602 Appeal to the nobler motives. Highlight (yellow) - 11 The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It? > Location 2663 Dramatise your ideas. Highlight (yellow) - 12 When Nothing Else Works, Try This > Location 2698 “I have never found,” said Harvey S. Firestone founder of the great Firestone Tire and Rubber Company, “that pay and pay alone would either bring together or hold good people. I think it was the game it self.” Highlight (yellow) - 12 When Nothing Else Works, Try This > Location 2706 Throw down a challenge. PART FOUR Highlight (yellow) - 1 If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin > Location 2729 A barber lathers a man before he shaves him; Highlight (yellow) - 1 If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin > Location 2799 Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Highlight (yellow) - 2 How to Criticise and Not be Hated for It > Location 2816 Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.” In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.”“We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.” Highlight (yellow) - 2 How to Criticise and Not be Hated for It > Location 2851 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Highlight (yellow) - 3 Talk About Your Own Mistakes First > Location 2915 Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person. Highlight (yellow) - 4 No One Likes to Take Orders > Location 2923 He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes. A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion. Highlight (yellow) - 4 No One Likes to Take Orders > Location 2934 Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons who you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued. Highlight (yellow) - 4 No One Likes to Take Orders > Location 2941 “Is there anything we can do to handle this order?”“Can anyone think of different ways to process it through the shop that will make it possible to take the order?”“Is there any way to adjust our hours or personnel assignments that would help?” Highlight (yellow) - 4 No One Likes to Take Orders > Location 2946 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Highlight (yellow) - 5 Let the Other Person Save Face > Location 2990 Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. Highlight (yellow) - 5 Let the Other Person Save Face > Location 2991 The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote: “I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.” Highlight (yellow) - 5 Let the Other Person Save Face > Location 2993 A real leader will always follow … Highlight (yellow) - 5 Let the Other Person Save Face > Location 2994 Let the other person save face. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Spur People on to Success > Location 3004 I can look back at my own life and see where a few words of praise have sharply changed my entire future. Can’t you say the same thing about your life? History is replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery of praise. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Spur People on to Success > Location 3027 Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of B. Skinner’s teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimised and praise emphasised, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Spur People on to Success > Location 3049 Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across as sincere—not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good. Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery. Highlight (yellow) - 6 How to Spur People on to Success > Location 3062 Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.” Highlight (yellow) - 7 Give a Dog a Good Name > Location 3110 There is an old saying, “Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.” But give him a good name—and see what happens! Highlight (yellow) - 7 Give a Dog a Good Name > Location 3122 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Highlight (yellow) - 8 Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct > Location 3135 Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique—be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has an undeveloped flair for it—and he will practise until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel. Highlight (yellow) - 8 Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct > Location 3179 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. Highlight (yellow) - 9 Making People Glad to do What You Want > Location 3219 Napoleon when he created the Legion of Honour and distributed 15,000 crosses to his soldiers and made eighteen of his generals “Marshals of France” and called his troops the “Grand Army.” Napoleon was criticised for giving “toys” to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon replied, “Men are ruled by toys.” Highlight (yellow) - 9 Making People Glad to do What You Want > Location 3244 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.